damn reeses

well i can't really 'damn' them, when i'm the one that made the mistake. i just had 8 of them. i don't know why. i feel gross. i still tracked it though. yuck me.

here we go!

i am beginning my first week of the rest of my life. (well, through August.)

this is my work schedule, it's weird, but i'm going to have to get used to it! i feel like if i can just make it through wednesday, thursday/friday/saturday won't be so bad.

i need to start making my posts more optimistic. need to stop getting down on myself.

also, i can't believe it's less than one month until my boo and i's 6 year anniversary. 6 years! i can hardly believe it myself.

sometimes i think i start my sentences with 'i' too much. maybe i should stop being so lazy and capitalize it. hmmm...

I can do this week! I am capable of this. The more I'm positive about it, the better it will be!

I thought I was going to have a bad migraine (what an awful way to start the work week) but I wished it away with positivity! (even when it felt like it was getting worse AFTER I took medicine!)

Gooooooo me! I will beat this week, like I have every other week so far!

rainy saturday

there's nothing like curling up with a cup of tea, my kitty, and some great blogs on a rainy saturday morning. yet i'm still having trouble feeling calm.

i made it through a hectic week, and i'm really proud of myself. especially since i'm prone to some major mood swings during this time of the month, and i haven't been *too* bad.

real schedule. real life. .. . ahoy!

it's coming. the way my life is going to be for the rest of the year.... or at least until august.

i'm ready for my set schedule, even if it blows. even if it's nights. i'm ready to get on with my life. to take a vacation in california, consider moving, and other things.

i will get over my back problem and do my pt. i will take care of myself, eat right and exercise and sleep!

please let me be able to do this.

afraid to sleep.

i'm too nervous to go to sleep and start the day tomorrow.
why are my physical symptoms so scary right now?
i mean, yes, i've been through training and everything...but i had last week to get used to stuff, not including the 1 1/2 days i was training other random things.
i don't know why i feel so awful! i haven't felt this bad recently about work! really!
i just want it to go away.
i know i'll get the hang of things, i just need to calm down.
SO.
god damnit things will be okay.

well maybe i'm just more worried now because i passed the physical training and might have to be in charge of something?
or the fact that i had an intense back spasm out of no where last week (though rightlfuly so after calm p) and spent friday incredibly sore?

you can do this. please just be okay. please.

oh god, i'm going to cry.

maybe this is because i'm getting my period this week? no wonder my face is so broken out.
ahhhhhhhhhhhh :(

7 pounds

the

craziest

movie

ever.

down down down

that's how i feel. really down. like i can't concentrate. i just want to curl up in bed and watch big daddy.

crying

how quickly i can get depressed...and start crying over next to nothing.

i feel like he doesn't care about seeing me.

i wish he could take better care of himself.

ideals.

if i'm using the term correctly, which i don't care because i'm the only one that reads this, i sick and tired of not following through with my ideals.

i need to stop binge eating, and eating unhealthy food. i can't just change my morals for two day out of the week...i ate 4 pieces of pizza last night at work. i don't even like pizza! (that much!)


how do i keep my motivation up? the dozens of healthy eating/vegan/veggie/earth-saving blogs i read/have bookmarked?

stop being a douche bag!! you're better than this!

18 hour day cut short.

so glad liz and i got to leave early from work, not having to sleep over! we totally lucked out. but we can tell one of our bosses, which makes me feel bad. if she asks how it went i dont want to have to lie to her, because shes super nice (even if she made a mistake on our schedule.)

all my day time hours are a little intimidating. after i go for a walk while mom & dad are at church, i hope to shower and get some stuff done. maybe also i'll show mom my wal-mart list and she'll want to come with me. i want to read a book too, looks like i'll have time to do that on shift on overnights... (but soon i'll just do homework at that time if i get accepted to the grad program! ;) )

i'm really glad that liz is with me and i don't have to go through this alone. i feel like i'd be a lot more quiet ... or something.