i win!

i win. i can work. hr can suck it! haha!

going to the residence, even though it was just for an hour or so, was really interesting. i am going to be spending most of my time there and i felt like until now i was the only person who hadn't been to a residence at all.

i need to start planning things to do on my non-work time that do not consist of television. i am falling into the veg-out/boob-tube/computer junkie trap. it's not healthy.

tomorrow i want to make the black bean hummus recipe i found on spark people, so i can eat it with the left over toasted pita chips we have. and i can't wait to watch glee.

i dumped my upset feelings on one of my best friends last night, and it's something i rarely do. it makes me feel so guilty. but i needed to vent, and even though it was just a fb message it really put things in perspective for me.

worries...but i'm not alone

i feel like an emotional yo-yo when it comes to this job.

one minute i think it's amazing and i want to do everything i can for it...

the next i'm overwhelmed, ready to vomit and cry wondering if i can really do this.

i was so glad to learn that my coworker feels the exact same way as me.

i'm so relieved. but still incredibly nervous. does that make sense?

i haven't done much of anything since i got home besides set up e-mail, timesheets, health insurance, and set up everything to apply to grad school. well i guess that's quite a bit, but i did nothing in terms of reviewing student guidelines.

i think i'll do a little now.

another goal.

only check facebook three times tomorrow, i dare you!

short weekends.

it wasn't one time wise, but they always feel like they are.

i feel like i wasted today with my worries and doing work... though that second part isn't so wasteful.

tomorrow i need to get my simmons stuff together, then i can sign up for health insurance.

and continue my notebook of student info.

ONE DAY AT A TIME.

you can do this. other people have had to overcome greater obstacles than you to accomplish things, so if they can do that, i can do this!

ow.

wtf was with today.

i knew i was going to hurt myself on that hold. cant believe i knocked my joint out...im in so much pain. but at least i got to see terri and she put me back in place... and now im wearing two braces...oh god.

i hope i dont get screwed over again
im so nervous.
SHIT.

what a stupid fight

i hate fights
especially stupid ones

i feel like we're having trouble talking
but you would probably disagree

popcorn makes me feel better for a little while

new phone or not?

to buy a new phone, or to not buy a new phone. that is the question.

i just got the biggest paycheck i've ever gotten in my life, for working 1 1/2 weeks. i could afford to drop $300 on a new phone...sort of.

logic always gets the best of me.

3 in 21 chance

and i'm working with girls. it's sick and twisted how things work out for me, even when i feel i don't deserve things.

i'm getting my period this week and after visiting my grandparents i just feel like i've been hit with a wall of sadness. ouch pms, give me a break would you?

physical training is these next three days and i can't mess things up or i'm out of a job!

the week is over, the weekend is here.

so glad i'm moved to a smaller group of kids at work, and a better (one) location. things are working out and part of me can hardly believe it.

i am beyond excited to go apple picking today. too bad we can't bring the dog, that kind of stinks.

i can't believe i curbed my hunger for so long yesterday besides my smoking. stupid restaurant meals that are 520 calories and don't fill me up... but at least i kind of planned well.

could i move out by october 1st? thats a week and a half...

or am i too scared? : /

of hurting my parents. of living on my own. too much to think about. just be happy.

no walk.

i cannot force myself to go for a walk. i cracked my back the wrong way and i'm having some muscle spasms...

i love fall. it's my favorite season. i want to put on a sweatshirt and a scarf (even though it may be too warm for that) pick up m, smoke and drive around with some hot tea.

also too chicken shit to talk to mom about insurance, or to call the place. will call tomorrow before PT so i don't show up looking like an asshole.

watched 3 great movies: pineapple express (well, that's just ok)..gigantic...(wicked interesting) and nick and nora's infinite playlist (cheesy but better than i thought it would be).

a more perfect job?

just found an even more perfect job on craigs list. like, awesome. location, job type, pay everything is fabulous. i just sent everything in. i want it. sooooo bad.

i went to PT, cried to my therapist, literally. cried. because of that stupid email from work. i am so lame. she's helping me figure out insurance though and wants me to bring in my resume tomorrow so she can give it to people and help me get a more low-impact job. she's so sweet.

i ironed.

so i could totally go for a walk, and vaccum my car. also i want to call my insurance company about what's going on with me....hmmm.

i still kind of want to cry. because i really want this other job so badly....and i know i'll have to wait a couple weeks before i hear back if they want to see me. i kind of want to go in and also hand in my resume personally, but the craigs list ad said no phone calls about the job, so i doubt coming in personally would really be the best move...though that's what kinda got me the job i have now.

i'm so torn!

just want to know what's going on with my life!

:(

todays goals

go to physical therapy
go for a walk (if she says it's ok)
vaccum my car
iron clothes

WTF

just got an email from the woman who hired me, not the woman who's been dealing with my injury stuff. i got another 'start date email' which says i'm the float teacher for 2 of the groups i was just in, instead of the 3. wtf does this mean? i'm just doing 2 groups now? this guys are still bigger than me....i'm so pissed off! i want another job!

still hungry.

why is it that even though i have a big filling dinner, i'm still hungry and craving something an hour later? i hate that feeling, after i just eat a meal, that i still want to eat more. i don't understand, it's not like a ate a trigger food or anything. (did i?)
corn, beets, broccoli, onion, boca burger, potatoes.
seriously, shouldn't that be enough to fill a girl up? i did an hour ago...

bridesmaid time is over

i can't believe one of my best friend's wedding is over. during my time off from work it's all i've been looking forward to and now i just have until next monday to squander my time.

i hate myself for doing mostly nothing on my time off, although i haven't been able to move around for a lot of it. i don't like being lazy and yet when i'm lazy....i'm LAZY.

this morning i hadn't set an alarm because i wanted to see what time i would wake up on my own, (which is usually between 7-9). i woke up at 11:22. i've have a pestering headache all day that began last night but i just ignored.

well, i haven't even washed up or anything today. a true testament to my laziness. i want wed-fri to be more productive.

i am the person who decides whether or not i like my life and i need to stay positive about things...

i've had the hiccups twice today. i think a tree just fell down in the forest in the backyard.

must make a commitment to take better care of my hip and eat right. staying healthy will keep me feeling better.